If you’re not being ghosted, you’re being breadcrumbed; if you’re not being breadcrumbed, you’re being gaslighted; and if you’re not being gaslighted… I’ve lost track, but it’s probably bad.
Fortunately, your friends are always on hand with advice and wisdom gleamed from their own experiences – and they are only too willing to share.
This is precisely why you should never ask them for it.
Your friends have your back but they also have their own, albeit unconscious, agenda that will colour their counsel.
Just look at these guys.
The Jaded Dater
(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)
Meera is exhausted. Her last date turned up drunk, an improvement, at least, on the one before him who didn’t turn up at all.
You weren’t going to tell Meera that you suspected your boyfriend was cheating but now, it’s all come out.
Meera is sat opposite, dragging on her third Marlboro.
‘He is definitely cheating,’ she says before you’ve finished the sentence.
‘But…’
‘Cheating.’
When it comes to dating, Meera has been there, done it and bought the 90s revival crop top.
This makes her adept at spotting the signs but her life is viewed through a lens of cheating bastards.
Meera’s experience is not your experience.
We should respect the Jaded Daters among us – they’ve seen things but you don’t have to heed them.
The Sugar Coater
(Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)
Nina is thinking and now she is frowning.
Finally, she says: ‘Maybe he really is busy at work? Or he actually did drop his phone in a fish tank? That’s plausible.’
Nina is very sweet but Nina doesn’t want to hurt you so she won’t tell you the truth.
The concept of women being direct with each another is so revolutionary that there’s an episode of Sex and the City about it. Then a book. Then a film.
So women, let’s help each other out and call a spade a spade.
The Just-Don’t-Get-Its
(Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)
Half way through your story, Leah glazes over.
‘But he said he was working… what’s the issue?’
She glances at her phone but sadly nobody more interesting has texted her.
Some friends just don’t get it.
Maybe they have been out of the dating game too long; maybe their own relationship is so blissful that they can’t fathom that yours isn’t too.
It doesn’t mean these friends don’t care, but to borrow another piece of sage dating advice: it’s not you, it’s them.
The Eternal Optimist
(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)
It’s the darndest thing: you were in floods of tears before you met Shelly.
Two hours later and you have dried your eyes, downloaded a productivity app and treated yourself to a massage.
The cheating thing? Turns out your boyfriend is definitely not cheating on you – he is a devoted and loving partner.
Shelly’s version of the truth is so much better than anyone else’s version of the truth, or the actual truth.
Of course we want to believe the Eternal Optimists in our lives and from time to time, we should.
But for matters of the heart, we are our own best advisers.
Gut instinct is a far better barometer than the opinion of friends, however well-meaning.
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