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Ways to end a relationship without being a total dick

The first time was a balls-out, no quibbles, total wipeout of a dumping.

Ways to end a relationship without being a total dick


On the next occasion, my ex started to dump me only to bottle it half way through, and I had to finish us off.
As day follows night, as one plus one is two, being dumped hurts. A lot. More than when you catch your arm on the oven, more than root canal, more than being punched in the tit.
I have been both Dumper and Dumpee. Being the Dumper is very unpleasant because no non-psychopathic person enjoys hurting someone they do/did care about.
But no amount of self-pity stacks up against the shock, fear and heartache that churn in your stomach when you are rejected.
There are good ways to end a relationship and bad ways to end a relationship.
Bad ways include novelty chocolate bars (subtext: get diabetes, die alone) text messages and that old classic: Hoping They’ll Just Get It.
The good ways won’t staunch the pain but they will make the best out of a god-awful situation.
If you are considering ending your relationship, here are some strategies to consider.

Be brutal

How to end a relationship without being a total dick
(Picture: Giphy)
Otherwise entitled ‘be clear and consistent’ but let’s not mess around.
If you’re going to break up with someonebreak up with them. Don’t be equivocal or give them false hope.
It might make you feel better, especially if you aren’t 100% sold on the break up yourself, but vague language will make it worse for both of you in the long run.
Yes to: No, we are not going to get back together.
And:
No, we can’t just have a break.
But no to: I’m not feeling it now but let’s give it three months because I might have a sudden and inexplicable change of heart.

Be specific

How to end a relationship without being a total dick
Hit the target (Picture: Giphy)
‘I think we want different things’ is not a reason to break up with someone. It means diddly-squat.
‘We want different things’ is code for ‘you want to have sex with me but I want to have sex with other people’ – which technically is a reason to break up with someone.
‘I want to have children and buy a house and a Volkswagen but I think you would like to keep exploring,’ is an OK reason and will make you appear to be a decent human person.

Be discreet

My half-dumping took place on the steps of Liverpool Street Station. Even the pigeons could see what was happening and then I had to travel 10 tube stops home covered in snot, tears, mascara and self-loathing.
Do your partner the decency of dumping them in private, and don’t post it on Facebook – let them tell other humans/pigeons in their own time.

Be strong

How to end a relationship without being a total dick
(Picture: Giphy)
As a Dumper, you do not get to cry. Only the Dumpee gets to cry.
You can get pizza and vodka and throw yourself a post-break-up pity party later.

Be quick

Rip off the plaster.
Source: http://metro.co.uk/2017/03/08/how-to-end-a-relationship-6479966/#mv-b

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